Like an internal flashlight guiding the way, our intuition was given to us for a reason….
If there was one lesson that I could take away from some of my biggest challenges, it would be to honor my intuition instead of denying it. It’s a gift after all, and a pretty spectacular one at that! I mean, think about it. We have a built-in compass that navigates us through life if we choose to pay attention to it. Ironically, all we ever say is how difficult life is, or how we can’t seem to find out way down our path, or how we feel stuck. Yet we are fully equipped with everything we need for the journey. It was divinely placed as a fail proof way for source to point the way. The problem is, we very rarely trust ourselves that we’re hearing it.
When I look back today, it’s almost comical really, how much energy was spent denying true self and allowing false self to run the show. My true self is a divine creation on a magnificent journey back to source, being led by a light that shines from within. It’s undeniable when it lights up. Shouting “Yes! Yes! This is the way!”. My false self looks anywhere but within, looking for validation from anywhere but self and source. Leading me to allow myself to be told I’m crazy, and don’t know what I’m talking about. Let me be perfectly clear here…I know….I always know. I can validate this statement with history revealing itself to be the exact thing that I had known it to be, yet caved to the world around me telling me I was wrong.
My struggle today is to trust myself to hear it, feel it, and understand that this is my true self talking. However, through trial and error, I’ve mastered the art with the help of one little trick. I ask myself if it feels good. If I find myself at a crossroads, am unsure whether or not a person, place or thing is no longer serving me, or am being presented with a brand new adventure, I ask myself does it feel good?
Case in point, recently I decided to begin sharing a bit more publicly about my journey of recovery from eating disorders. This decision came after a long time friend had contacted me asking me to meet with a woman she knew who was struggling in her battle. We met and talked and connected with high hopes of success. After which, I began to share via social media in an attempt to let her know she was not alone, and there was hope. I had no fear, no guilt, and no shame. Some time passed and I announced on my anniversary that I had achieved 14 years of recovery from anorexia, bulimia and also alcoholism. Again, no fear, no guilt, and no shame. At the same time, I was asking my higher power daily to remove all negative energy and anything blocking my path to my true purpose. I ask this with full awareness that there will be work to do in this process and trust that what needs to be healed will be presented along my path in order for me to cover it in love and release it.
Wouldn’t you know it, about a week later, I through on 7 pounds in less than 4 days and dove head first into full on rage mode. I stomped my butt downstairs and threw myself on the couch and looked at my poor husband who had a perplexed look on his face.
“You know, it’s only 7 pounds! The average person wouldn’t even blink an eye but I’m tellin ya I’m raging right now!” I said.
The poor guys probably first had to decipher in his head why anyone in their right mind would be weighing themselves at night in the first place before he could even wrap his head around why I would be pissed about 7 pounds.
“I’m pissed, but that tells me that there’s underlying fear there somewhere.” I continued as his facial expression slowly started to turn towards more of a confirming understanding look.
I had been working on releasing some PTSD energy through my acupuncturist at the time and I was concerned going too much farther as I had developed an ability to erase my memory of 90% of my childhood but had no recollection of exactly why I would do that. During that appointment, something she had said along the way popped into my head at that moment. She said that I don’t trust my body. In the instance that we were discussing numbing out my childhood, my mother had mentioned in a separate discussion that I didn’t feel good 90% of the time. I went numb in an attempt to cope with a birth defect and it’s lingering effects, an emergency appendectomy at 10 years old, countless allergies and migraines, unrecognized food allergies, tubes in my ears, countless ovarian cycsts and to top it all off so many kidney stones that I couldn’t have opened my own rock quarry. Of course I didn’t trust my body! It was like the light bulb went off in my head! When it came to my eating disorder, this rang especially true. I didn’t trust my body to stop gaining weight. I didn’t trust my body, essentially to take care of me so I stopped taking care of it. That makes sense right? Good grief.
At any rate, it came to my attention that my higher power was placing this obstacle on my path in an attempt to get my attention to the fact that, although I had stopped practicing anorexic behaviors 14 years ago, the obsession most certainly had not been lifted and the wounds have not been healed. So I decided to sit in it and not “do anything” about it. I asked for the tools to heal and the courage to walk through it. It was ugly, I ain’t gonna lie. However, shortly thereafter, I started getting calls from other women I knew who wanted to address their own eating disorders. Lots of them! Ones I never would have imagined had this sickness. Then resources started showing up. Like program books and structures, stories of survivors and thoughts of starting a meeting. If I could explain the level of giddiness that I had when I had the conversation with one of the women about starting a recover support meeting in my area for all types of eating disorders, you’d probably laugh. Yet, I did, and this is how I knew I was on the right path for the moment. I am supposed to be working with others in recover and I know this because it makes me giddy. This is my intuition speaking to me and I am so thrilled for the willingness to follow guidance.
There’s always that gut feeling that we talk about but that’s a whole other topic for another day….it will be a really, really, really long post indeed.
In the meantime, I’d love to hear of those times that you knew down to your core, what your intuition was trying to tell you. Share your story with me below. There’s nothing I love more than seeing the divine at work in other’s lives.
Love and light your way today and always,